dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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