I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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