When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
