I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
