If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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