i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
