1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize