I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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