when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
