Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You pole danced in your parka.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
