he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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