were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
