so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
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