This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
