If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
