I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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