You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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