I'm gonna have a badass scar
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
