My room smells like vodka and shame
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize