Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
