if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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