Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
