By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
