Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think my fart just growled at me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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