i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
