I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
