brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
