You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This is my gift to your gina
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
