Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
