my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I will be naked everywhere
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
