I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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