It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
