so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
