Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
