Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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