blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
