he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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