I can text with my tongue
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
