Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
