if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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