i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
