Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
