dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
