you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
