There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
