he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize