I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
