i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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