k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
