I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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