god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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