Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize