It's Friday. Sex?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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