I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
