Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
