Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
