Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
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