I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
