Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he was CRYING into my vagina
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
there is puke in my bra ... again
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
