I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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