I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
