just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
