i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
