my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
