My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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