Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
