He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
