We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
