Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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