I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
