So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
