I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My balls are so social today.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
